Sandwich Generation Stress: Achieving Work-Life Balance as Adults Navigating the Tightrope Between Careers, Kids and Aging Parents
Hey Friend!
When well meaning family and friends tell a caretaker they need to find some work/life balance it usually rubs us the wrong way. It seems like they think if we’d just be more organized everything will be ok.
We get that in theory but what if you are organized, a planner and a great problem-solver? No matter how organized you are or how much you anticipate their needs inevitably you’re often making daily or hourly decisions about your parents’ well-being. Many of us experience the sandwich generation stress that comes with all these caretaking decisions because we’re also responsible for taking care of our kids.
I’m a planner! I anticipate, come up with a procedure, and then put it in place. Caretakers know that Plan A often falls through and have plan B,C and D in their back pocket. It took me a while to get on board with this concept. I had a lot of hard lessons before I adapted.
I remember going to a conference a few months after my dad died. My mother was very emotionally fragile and did not want me to go. She tried to shame and guilt me into not going which really did the opposite of what she intended. I was resentful, tired and at my wit’s end! I remember saying to her, “I have a life, I have responsibilities!” Of course I felt selfish and guilty but I went to the conference anyway.
Before going I tried to anticipate everything. I went grocery shopping for her, I spent a little extra time visiting and I had my siblings on stand by. GUESS WHAT…she fell and broke her hip the day after I got to the conference.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I was so shocked and worried that the details of the first 24 hours are blurry but I remember driving home the next day for her surgery and recovery. Her medical team made a plan for recovery and rehab. It sounded reasonable to me and Mom agreed but that wasn’t to be the case!
Less than 24 hours in the rehab facility she had a “heart incident” and they sent her back to the hospital. WHAAAAT?! Luckily it was a result of extreme anxiety but that wasn’t great either. Mom insisted she had had a heart attack and was not interested in treating her anxiety. (Dealing with anxiety in aging adults is a blog for another day!)
As a caretaker the ability to adapt and pivot becomes the norm. I do think striving for work/life balance as caretakers is important. It is necessary for your mental, physical and emotional health BUT I know it’s difficult and sometimes not even possible.
One tip I recommend is using your calendar to schedule caretaking duties, work, self-care and social support. I use a color coding system so at a quick glance I can see what is missing then I schedule some sort of self care even if it is only 10 minutes.
Finding work/life balance is a complex issue and very personal depending on your caretaking circumstances but this strategy will help you balance your needs with the stressors of being a caretaker. Some weeks there won’t be room for fun, self care, rejuvenation or exercise. No worries just put it on the calendar the next week.
Creating and managing work/life balance as a caretaker is a job in and of itself and like most jobs some days you are more motivated than other days. Give yourself permission to circle back, regroup and start over.
Hang in there!
Edla
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Read more about reducing sandwich generation stress and find more work/life balance:
The major barriers to finding work/life balance as a caretaker are time constraints, financial strain and emotional toll.
Listed here are 5 strategies for achieving work/life balance for adults sandwiched between their life and their aging parents
Effective Time Management:
Time management is crucial for individuals in the sandwich generation. Creating a realistic schedule that includes dedicated time for work, family, and self-care can help maintain a sense of order and prevent feeling overwhelmed. Prioritizing tasks and setting boundaries, both at work and at home, are essential components of effective time management.
Open Communication:
Transparent communication is key when balancing the needs of aging parents and one's own family. Discussing expectations with both employers and family members can help set realistic boundaries and ensure that everyone is on the same page. This open dialogue can also lead to greater understanding and support from all parties involved.
Utilizing Support Systems:
Recognizing that it's okay to ask for help is a vital aspect of maintaining balance. Whether it's enlisting the support of a reliable childcare provider, seeking assistance from community resources, or involving siblings in the care of aging parents, building a strong support system is crucial for the well-being of individuals in the sandwich generation.
Flexible Work Arrangements:
Many employers are recognizing the challenges faced by employees in the sandwich generation and are becoming more open to flexible work arrangements. Negotiating flexible hours, remote work options, or compressed workweeks can provide individuals with the flexibility they need to fulfill their work and caregiving responsibilities.
Self-Care Practices:
Amidst the myriad responsibilities, it's crucial for individuals in the sandwich generation to prioritize self-care. Taking time for activities that bring joy and relaxation, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending quality time with friends, can help recharge mental and emotional well-being.
If you’ve found it hard to balance self-care with all of your other responsibilities, I know you’ll love my Bite-Sized Self-Care “snacks” for on-the-go caretakers:
Don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions,
Edla
NOTE: It's important to remember that aging is a highly individualized process, and the timing and progression of these stages can vary among individuals. Additionally, lifestyle factors, genetics, and overall health play significant roles in how individuals experience aging.
